Archive for November, 2010

Mop: Boeing 737

Een Boeing 737 heeft motorproblemen.

De piloot waarschuwt de passagiers zich gereed te maken voor een noodlanding.
Een schone Française grijpt haar handtas en begint verwoedt haar make-up bij te werken.
De Arabische dame naast haar kijkt haar verbaasd aan en vraagt haar waarom ze dit doet.
De schone Française antwoordt:Ze redden altijd de mooiste als eerste!

Vlug pakt de Arabische dame haar handtas en haalt al haar gouden sieraden eruit en doet ze 1 voor 1 om.
De Afrikaanse naast haar kijkt haar verbaasd aan en vraagt haar waarom ze dit doet.
De Arabische dame antwoordt:  Ze redden altijd de rijkste als eerste!

Hierop gaat de Afrikaanse staan doet haar slip uit, rok omhoog en gaat voorover gebogen met haar billen voor het  raampje staan.

De Française en de Arabische kijken haar verbaasd aan en vragen haar waarom ze dit doet.
De Afrikaanse antwoordt: Ze zoeken de zwarte doos altijd het eerst.

Head and Shoulders

A Blonde and a Brunette were in an elevator with a man. They both noticed he had some dandruff on his shirt, but were too nice to say anything to him about it.

Once he finally got out two floors later, the Brunette said, “Wow, somebody should give that man some Head n Shoulders” and the Blonde replied, “How do you give shoulders?”

African Tribe Worships Salma Hayek’s Breasts!

Salma Hayek

Weekly World News Online, by Mark Miller

The Mandinka tribe of Gambia, Africa, adheres to a religious practice completely unique to its people — they worship actress Salma Hayek’s breasts!

While most primitive societies tend to pray to animal or ancestral spirits, or to stars and planets as the Mandinkans once did, that all changed in 1995.

Mandinkan farmer Danjuma Kianga remembers, through an interpreter, the moment it happened.

“As a special treat, Chief Tuamanguluka arranged for a movie to be shown here for the first time ever. The movie was Desperado, starring the blessed Salma Hayek as Carolina, a beautiful woman who works for the local drug lord.”

When Hayek first appeared on screen, the Mandinkans were blown away by the sight of the 36C-25-37 actress. “Everyone gasped — men, women, and children,” recalls Kianga. “Salma was breathtakingly exquisite. She gave off a force, a light, an energy that came right through the screen and entered our very souls.”

After that screening, all any of the Mandinkans could talk about was Salma Hayek — her looks, her spirit, her energy.

In the years since, the tribe has arranged screenings of every one of her films including, From Dusk ‘Til Dawn, Fools Rush In, Dogma, Wild Wild West, Traffic, Spy Kids: 3D, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, and, especially, Frida, which was nominated for six Oscars including best actress for Hayek.

The Mandinkans found themselves especially affected by the sight of Hayek’s breasts, which are often on full display in her movies.

“Salma’s chest globes are magnificent forces of nature,” gushes Kianga. “They are large and firm and perfectly formed. Whenever they appear on screen, it is almost as though they are calling to us: ‘We’re here. We’re here for you. Take power from us. Let us be your energy force. Close your eyes and let us engulf you.’ ”

Around their necks, the Mandinkans wear stone and wood amulets fashioned as miniature replicas of Hayek’s awe-inspiring milk wagons. Before undertaking any strenuous or dangerous task, going on any hunting expedition or praying for anything, they lick Hayek’s breasts one hundred times for luck.

One of the villages has even constructed a giant 37-foot high scale replica of Hayek’s sweater puppets. The breasts themselves are formed of rare black obsidian stone, and the nipples are solid gold.

Villagers form a large circle around the statue, hold hands, and dance themselves into a frenzy while chanting the following:

Oh glorious funbags of Salma, Fertilize our fields, protect us, and bring us luck. Especially we ask for sexual potency from the Life-changing, awe-inspiring twin peaks of Salma. Suckle us with your magical orbs, Squeeze our faces between those luscious flesh mounds, Our strength, hope and joy derive from the wondrous bazongas of Hayek!

Gahiji Ngozi, a 22-year-old craftsman, speaks for the entire Mandinkan tribe when he says, “Worshipping Salma Hayek’s breasts has added meaning, direction and wonder to my life.”

Anteater

Anteater

What did one saggy boob say …?

Saggy boob humor

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