The Army’s Camel

A Captain in the foreign legion was transfered to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sargent leading the tour,

“What’s the camel for?”.

The Sargent replied “Well sir it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel.”

The captain said “Well if it’s good for moral, then I guess it’s all right with me.”

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sargent, “BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!” The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters.

The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sargent, “Is that how the enlisted men do it?”

The Sargent replied, “Well sir, they usually just use the camel to ride into town to find the women.

Followed by monkeys

Old man


An old man is sitting on his front porch down in Louisiana watching the sun rise when he sees the neighbour’s kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.

“Hey boy, whatcha got there?” he shouts.

“A roll of chicken wire,” the boy yells back.

“What you gonna do with that?” the old man asks.

“Catch me some chickens,” says the boy.

“You damned fool,” says the old man. “You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!”

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening the boy comes walking by and to the old man’s surprise he’s dragging the chicken wire behind him with about 30 chickens caught in it.

The same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise when he sees the boy walk by carrying something else.

“Hey boy, whatcha got there?” he shouts.

“Roll of duck tape,” the boy yells back.

“What you gonna do with that?” the old man asks.

“Catch me some ducks,” says the boy.

“You damned fool,” says the old man. “You can’t catch ducks with duck tape!”

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening the boy comes walking by and to the old man’s surprise he’s trailing the unrolled duck tape behind him with about 35 ducks caught in it.

The same time next morning the old man sees the boy walk by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.

“Hey boy, whatcha got there?” he shouts.

“A pussy willow,” the boy yells back.

“Hold on,” says the old man, “I’ll get my hat.”

Two blonde genies

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he’s in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and then begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100.00 bills.

Suddenly there is a knock at the door. He answers the door and standing there are two persons dressed in Klu Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a branch and hang him by the neck until he is dead.

The Klansmen walk off. As they are walking away, they remove their hoods; it’s the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one, “Hey, I can understand the first wish having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire, but to be hung like a black man is beyond me.”

Pickle slicer

A husband went home after working at his job in a restaurant. His wife noticed he seemed a little bit aggravated so she asked him what was wrong. After some coaxing, he finally told her that he had been having an urge to put his dick in the pickle slicer at work. His wife was astonished and told him he should really do something about that. An urge like that could not be healthy at all. He said that he would and they left it at that.

A week later, the husband came home smiling and completely happy. His wife asked him what had happened that had put him in such a good mood. He said, “I finally did it! I put my dick in the pickle slicer.”

The wife asked, “Well, what happened?”

Husband: “Oh, well I was fired.”

Wife: “I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?”

Husband: “Oh, she got fired too!”

Skunk

A man and a woman are driving in the car when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up and brings it back into the car.

She says: “It looks cold, what should I do?”

He says: “Put it between your legs.”

She says: “What about the smell?”

He says: “Hold its nose.”

Hello, room service?

“Hello, room service? Send me up a shoehorn.”

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